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I live for the pain; it’s what drives me to keep moving. But there comes a time when one has to push the demons aside in order to survive.
I thought I buried them deep. I thought I was ready to finally live. Until… my brother, Alex; he throws me into the fire—right into the place I could never control myself, the one place I never want to be again.
When I put my hands on people, they get hurt. Things happen that bring me back to that night. The one that will forever torment me.
I’m doing fine, keeping to myself in order to ensure no one gets hurt by me. Then along comes Lyric, and all I want to do is touch her, to put my hands in places that I know will only lead to her being crushed by me.
She’s the rush that I crave. The darkest of poison running through my veins, killing me bit by bit; like a drug I can’t get enough of even though I’m almost down to my last breath.
And being around her only hurts more, but what she doesn’t understand is that I welcome the pain; I get off on it, which in the end leaves me with the hardest decision of my life—one that might get us all killed…
Cover Image Photographer FuriousFotog
Cover Model Shawn Dawson
Ever since she came into my life, standing there behind me on the porch that day, I knew she would be hard to forget. From her messy, caramel hair and pouty lips, to the fire in her big, green eyes, I knew she was going to test me unlike anyone else ever has. I could tell she was a fighter just like me.
The only thing I need right now is to get out of my head and away from the woman beside me.
“Go inside, Lyric. I’ll wait here until you get in.”
She looks over at me from the passenger seat, one hand on the door handle. She’s not letting me go so easily. I can see it in her expression. “You’re not going home?”
I turn away and look straight ahead, refusing to look at her. If I do – I’ll cave in. I’ve already done that enough with her. It needs to stop. “No. I can’t be there right now. You really don’t need to worry about it. Now go. Goodnight.”
She takes her hand off the handle and pulls her seatbelt back on. “Good, because I don’t feel like going home either.” She nods her head toward the road. “Let’s go.”
“No,” I say firmly. “Just go inside.”
“Why not? What is the big deal? What is so wrong with taking me along and getting to know me? I’m not asking you for anything other than company. It’s a big fucking world and it sucks being in it alone.”
I let out a slow, deep breath and finally look over at her. She needs to see that I’m a fucking monster. I ruin lives and it will be no different with her. “Because I don’t want you around me when I’m drinking. I’m working hard here to keep my fucking hands off you. If I get fucked out of my mind… I’m going to want to fuck you and once I fuck you, the game changes. You don’t want that. Trust me.”
She nervously runs her hands through her hair and looks at my lips, swallowing. “You don’t know shit about what I want. Maybe I’m not as innocent as you think. Now can we go? It doesn’t look like Bailey is home anyways. I don’t feel like sitting home alone.”
She always does this to me. I don’t get why she is so hard to get rid of. She’s pushing me and I can only hold off for so long before I fuck her senseless and pull her into my dark world; a place she doesn’t belong. “Just keep your distance from me. If your friends are there then you hang out with them. Okay?”
I look over at her when she doesn’t respond. “Okay, Lyric? I need you to understand and stay away? Say it.”
She looks up at me with fire in her eyes. She’s not happy with being told what to do. Another thing I like about her. Well fuck me. “Fine. I get it. Let’s just go,” she says stiffly.
Victoria Ashley grew up in Rockford, IL and has had a passion for reading for as long as she can remember. After finding a reading app where it allowed readers to upload their own stories, she gave it a shot and writing became her passion.
She lives for a good romance book with tattooed bad boys that are just highly misunderstood and is not afraid to be caught crying during a good read. When she’s not reading or writing about bad boys, you can find her watching her favorites shows such as Sons Of Anarchy, Dexter and True Blood.
She is the author of Wake Up Call, This Regret, Slade, Hemy, and Get Off on the Pain. Victoria is currently working on more releases for 2015.